Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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