She's JV to your varsity
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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