Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize