So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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