I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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