You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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