Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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