3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize