I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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