glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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