Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize