a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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