Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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