yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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