you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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