he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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