So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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