batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
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Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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