Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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