listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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