Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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