She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize