just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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