HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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