Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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