T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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