clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
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True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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