best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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