Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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