I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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