he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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