Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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