i don't like sucking hair
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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