She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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