Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize