I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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