Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize