all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
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I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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