I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
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You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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