my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize