i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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