I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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