ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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