Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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