I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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