Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize