I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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