we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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