why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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