There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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